Celestial City Weekly - Issue 12

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Celestial City Weekly - Issue 12

Post by Asrya » Wed Jul 13, 2016 10:53 pm

The Dig.
A New Gossip Column about weekly events.
By Elisa Mayday Hemmingway

City Officials broke ground for the latest construction project amidst rumors of curse land and evil spirits. Two Native American Shamans were present to check for evil spirits and boogey men as construction crew began to break a huge rock found at the construction site.

During the ground breaking, a construction site mishap reduced one of the workers to a puddle of red goo and injured several others. Incompetence by the workers also resulted in the destruction of a heavy piece of construction equipment and several buried artifacts that were discovered beneath the site. Rumors are that some of the destruction and chaos were caused by none other then Major Metallic and several other so called "heroes".

One such "hero", whom the public is dubbing the Screeching Harpy, deafened several people at the construction site when she apparently had a screaming orgasm and released a sonic shock-wave that ruptured eardrums.

The disgraceful acts were made worse, when one of the Indian (Pardon, Native American) Shaman's made it rain so that the heroes could engage in a nude mud wrestling competition.

The only redeeming actions at the catastrophe were by one Dr Amanda Hal and her crack team of medical professionals, whose heroic actions saved the lives of many injured.


An up and coming pharmicudial company has released a new energy pill that has guaranteed results. In clinical trials, the drug has increased effectivity, alertness, and physical ability and is already in use in test markets.


A group of heroes got into a conflict with the villain known as Mordis. The end of the conflict occurred when Mordis went off the street and fell to the ground below. Paramedics arrived but the villain appeared dead.



Multiple reports of construction crew workers falling on the job have been filed. Eyewitnesses have reported stroke-like symptoms as the workers bodies seemed to simply burn out. Overwork, radiation, unsafe conditions, and undiagnosed illnesses have all been listed as the causes of the fallen workers. While several have died, construction crews have continued their breakneck pace, despite losing multiple teammates.
When questioned as to their thoughts on the incidents, crews denied comment. Though this reporter can attest to the unnatural speed, strength, and ability of many of these workers.

Mayor Hopeful Timber held a press conference this week before the Meta Bowl. Utilizing obscure video game quotes he made a speech calling out his leading opponent, Delphine Taggart, and left the conference with confidence in his step. Several questions remain as to the hopeful's full stance, though his charm has won him the hearts, it's unsure if it will win him the votes of the people.


Multiple corporations have reestablished in the newly created city centre. With job openings being posted at the office buildings inviting displaced citizens a new work environment and gainful employment. New buildings, offices, businesses, and shoppes have been opening all week, showing real progress and hope for the future of our city.


This week in Paws, Claws, and D'awws we feature a rabbit with an extraordinary nose.
Crackers the bunny is owned by twenty-seven year old Carla Davies and Thirty-two year old Shane Grant. While the bunny doesn't appear more than your average pet rabbit (with an adorably wiggly nose and brown patches on grey fur) this bun has a superpowered schnoze.
Three weeks ago, Carla had been in the living room of the shared apartment. Crackers was allowed out to run while she was writing a paper for her Veterinary class. In the middle of her writing Crackers stopped, stood up on his hind legs, and began sniffing the air. The action alarmed Carla, who took a wiff herself, but smelled nothing.
That, Carla reports, is when things went south.
"Crackers immediately began making this horrible squealing sound. He always made the normal bunny noises, excited squeaks and chuffs, but this noise was like hell itself was coming out of my rabbit. I thought he was dying or something. All of a sudden he starts doing flips and running back and forth.
I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. I kept trying to make him calm down but he just wouldn't. When I caught him, he kicked me pretty good in the stomach and bolted, still shrieking, for Shane's bedroom door and just started beating on it with his feet. I got real worried about Shane, and used a key to get into his room and he was passed out, hard, in bed. Crackers kept on freaking out, but Shane wasn't waking up."
What Carla hadn't realized is Shane had unknowingly succumb to a diabetic seizure in his sleep. He was in a deep coma in his bedroom and Crackers had smelled the change in Shane's body chemistry from the next room over. By alerting Carla to the sudden change, Crackers actually saved Shane's life. Paramedics reported that if the rabbit hadn't alerted Carla to the problem, they may not have known anything had happened for hours, and by then, it would have been too late to save Shane's life.
"I never thought I'd say it, but I owe Crackers a lot. And I never liked that rabbit. I guess he's earned a few extra carrots from me now though."
Created Creature Labs has contacted Carla in the hopes of getting a sample of Cracker's DNA, they hope to recreate the bunny's extraordinary sense of smell in other rabbits to serve as alert animals for other Diabetics in the city.

In a secondary mayor hopeful press conference, Delphine Taggart herself called out Timber and his video game quote. As well ash is immaturity. Calling the hero a manchild as well as calling out council members and the pervious government. While the move made her stance on taxes and representation quite clear, it showed a ruthless side of the candidate that will surly win her votes.


A new fashion craze has been hitting the streets with an unknown source of trendy new headbands. The gadgets sport fashionable lights that supposedly reveal the mood of the wearer while offering connectivity to the city's cell network and phones. Supposedly tracking various moods and movements from throughout the day.

Are your shoes secretly hindering your work?
In a new study published online; women's shoes have come under fire for being "fashionably forward, and fundamentally backward". The ten-week study shows a correlation between the mental fatigue of women in the workplace who wear heels vs women who wear flats. The study claims those in flats may work harder, but those in heels work smarter.
While the study was put out by a popular shoe company parts of it seem to carry merit, and several women concur with the findings. It
-continued on pg 34

A massive crash landing revealed a new resident of the city. Greeted by Railgun and a battle droid the encounter was peaceably handled. Though the fires and destruction caused by the crash caused several thousand in damages, crews and volunteers took care of the fires with ease.


Celestial City Farms CoOp has been reporting progress in the accelerated growth of the new crops. With new forms of crops being released from various sources throughout the city, crops and production have increased and much needed fresh food is making its way into the city markets once again.
Several hybrid crops have shown considerable improvement and success with multiple fruit-veg hybrid plants being made available in the coming weeks as their harvest will begin.
Reports of the Genesis Trees have shown particular hope for future crop growing, proving a breakthrough in hydroponically grown crops. New trees are said to be in progress for the next crop rotation, and if successful will begin providing even more produce for a city in dire need of fresh food.


The solar farms had a bit of trouble recently with some minor skirmishes with local wildlife. According to reports mutated creatures from the wastelands attacked the vast farms, prompting action from the small security force on site. It's assumed the flashing light off of the rotating cells attracted the creatures, but the incident has prompted a new security presence at the facilities in order to preserve the valuable resource.

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